Play Script

NZ Pests

(Stoat-Thomas) (Possum-Nathan) (Hedgehog-Anna) (Kiwi Chick-Leonard) (Red Deer-Leah) (Tuatara-Hami) (Pig-Emily) (Rats-Matty & Keito) (Narrator-Jemima) (Rabbit-Jonty) (Kea-Codie) (Plant-Lulu, Rylie, Alison & Eileen) (Human-Eres) (Cow-Abi-Rose)

Narrator: Note: Before we start this play if an animal talks that is what it is thinking. In the 1830s, rabbits were introduced by the British settlers for food and sport. But they didn’t help farmers much… here’s an example

Everyone offstage except Rabbit and Human (Farmer in corner and rabbit eating grass)

Rabbit: I like grass. Numnumnum…, I hope the farmer doesn’t see me.

Human: EKKKK… THERE’S A RABBIT ON ME LAWN

Rabbit: EKKKK… THERE’S A HUMAN ON MY LAWN

Human stands up and starts chasing Rabbit around. (With a pitchfork) Rabbit runs into burrow (a.k.a. offstage)

Narrator: Rabbits have cost NZ millions of dollars and less farm production. But this predator has cost more than money… In the 1870s the British introduced STOATS! To control rabbit population. But why hunt fast rabbits when there are slow, flightless, yummy birds?

Kiwi Chick sleeping in burrow. Stoat approaching kiwi slowly.

Kiwi Chick: Daddy, mummy,

Stoat: Sneaking, sneaking, sneaking, sneaking… POUNCE!!!!!!

Stoat jumps at kiwi chick and falls short. Kiwi Chick wakes up. Stoat pulls kiwi chick offstage. Narrator walks onstage.

Narrator: Sorry, this audience contains young viewers and this part is rated KCV (Kiwi Chick Violence).  Let’s just say the kiwi chick dies. This next pest doesn’t kill kiwi, it eats trees.

Narrator walks offstage, Plant & Possum go onstage, Possum starts eating Plant.

Plant: Owww… that hurts, what are you doing?

Possum:  FOOD, FOOD, FOOD. I LIKE FOOD. FOOD YUMMY.

Plant: Dying.  Dying. Dead. 

Possum prances offstage muttering about Food. Narrator walks onstage.

Narrator: Possums were brought from Australia in 1837. This next nocturnal bugivore can be found in gardens around New Zealand. Can anyone guess who it is? No, here’s a hint: it’s very spiky. You guessed it! It’s a hedgehog!

Narrator walks offstage. Hedgehog and Cow walk onstage. Cow grazing on grass, hedgehog walks around. Hedgehog walks up to cow. Cow suddenly starts mooing and falls over and dies. Narrator walks onstage.

Narrator: Hedgehogs mainly eat bugs. But they spread diseases that can harm animals and sometimes humans. This next pest was introduced for hunting by the British between 1851 and 1923. They live in forests. And it is not a rabbit!

Narrator walks offstage. Deer and Plant come onstage. Deer starts running around trampling some plants and eating the taller ones.

Trampled Plants: Goodbye world!!! AHHHHH!!!

Deer: Yummy… tree food. I love eating native New Zealand trees!

Eaten Plants: Ohh… I can feel my juices coming out.

Deer runs offstage. Plants walk offstage. Narrator walks onstage

Narrator: Deer are usually used on the dinner menu these days. This next pest can be used in farms across the country. But destroys forest floors everywhere

Narrator walks offstage. Plants walk onstage and sit down. Pig walks onstage, starts galloping around ramming into and knocking over plants.

Pig: RARRRRRRRR!!! GRUNT!!!!!  MARRRRRRRRR!!!!!! GRRRRRRR!!!!

Plants: AHHHHHH!!!!

Pig: FUN!

Pig runs offstage, plants wobble offstage. Narrator walks onstage.

Narrator: Pigs were introduced by the early explorers in the late 1700s. The
next pest is really common. They’re everywhere! RATS!!!

Narrator runs offstage. Rats run onstage to the corner of the stage. Tuatara in middle of stage by her nest. Tuatara sniffs eggs.

Tuatara: They’ll be hatching soon. I must find food!

Tuatara runs offstage.

Rat 1: Hmmm… That means the nest is unguarded. Mwahahaha

Rat 2: No, that means FOOD! He he he he.  

Rats run to the eggs and start eating. Tuatara walks back onstage.

Tuatara: DIE RATS! YOU ATE MY EGGS!!!

Rats: AHHHH!!!

Tuatara chases Rats offstage. Narrator walks onstage

Narrator: Rat will eat anything. Tuatara eggs, food scraps, the list goes on and on.  Rats were introduced by the early British explorers in the early 1700s. Now let’s go back to our favourite pest, the stoat!

Narrator walks offstage.  Kea and stoat scamper on.  Kea starts eating from a piece of fruit.

Kea:  Mmmmmmm… Yummy

Stoat: Ahhh… fresh prey.

Stoat charges at the kea.  Kea runs offstage, stoat closely follows.  Narrator walks onstage.

Narrator:  Did you know that is takes about 2.5 hours to kill a kiwi or kea?  They aren’t very effective killers.  Now we’ll show you how DOC and other nature societies are getting rid of stoats.  Stoats are mainly being controlled by traps and poisons.  We have Dr. Farmland to show us more.

Narrator walks offstage.  Human and stoat walk onstage.  Stoat does what the human says.

Human: This is a basic poison trap that DOC uses; first the stoat walks into the trap.  Second the stoat sees and smells a small meatball that has been dyed green.  Third our friendly stoaty will eat a bit of the meatball, but what the stoat doesn’t know is that it is poisoned.  Fourth stoaty dies.

Human and narrator switch places.

Narrator: And now Dr. Farmland will show us a more creative way.

Narrator and Human swap places.  Human comes out in a car.  There are piles of food in the middle of the. All pests run to the food and start to eat.  Human drives towards the pests.  Human runs pests over.

Human: And that’ll teach you for messing with Freddy Farmland. 

The End

Written by Leah and Nathan (with the help of a few others)